A glad answer

Then I realized that it is good and proper for man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him - for this is his lot.
Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy then, to accept his lot and be happy in his work - this is a gift of God.
He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.
Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

This is my answer to prayer.  Not enjoying my work, being consumed with guilt for spending money and owning things... has been a great cause for sadness.  Yes, I know that my depression is chemically based, but it is also a trick of the mind.  I have wanted to know for very long how I can possibly live in the world and yet separate from it?  How can I be a part of something so physical when my being is spiritual?  How can I justify meeting my physical needs, being concerned for my body when it will all fade away?  The answer is that God intends for me to live my life on this earth and to enjoy it.  He gives, he takes.  He has given me more than I need and certainly more than others.  I can choose to accept his gift of satisfaction in what I have and the work I do, or I can choose to turn my nose up at it and pout because it "doesn't make sense."

I have ignored the Bible and deliberately chose not to pay attention to God because I can't make sense of it all.  The truth is that it doesn't have to make sense.  In a moment of desperation (to say despair) I dusted off my Bible and turned to a bookmarked page.  I had a feeling it would be Ecclesiastes, though I don't remember the last time I read from the book (to say the Bible).  King Solomon dealt with every concern I face day to day with my feelings of guilt and lack of understanding of my place in this world.

This is not to say that I won't forget this lesson...  I often forget the things I learn.  But it has spoken to my heart and I feel renewed.  To feel as though I have permission to enjoy the things of this world is a gift I will gladly take.  To know that finding satisfaction in my work (from the office to cleaning the house) is not the same as enjoying it, is something new to consider and even an encouragement.

Thanks be to God for speaking the words my heart has been longing to hear.  And oddly enough, thanks to Eat.Pray.Love which has turned my mind to this line of thought.  Even though the author's views of God are not the same as mine...  His provision in her life is an encouragement to me, even if she does not fully recognize the part He plays.